My dog is soooo cool. He’s a Border collie mix. Much bigger than your “see ’em every day chasing sheep border collies”. Black, white paws, white ruff. Really studly looking. Struts, doesn’t walk. With his nose in the air and his tail waving like a banner that says, “Look at me, I am smart, I am cool, I rule. (okay, taking a little literary licensee here, changing to first dog)

Oh, my god. It’s Christmas Eve. Susie’s son and daughter in law came to visit from California. I don’t know Ted too well. Susie got me in Santa Fe at the pound seven years ago. Right about the time Ted left for college.

She told me they were bringing their dog. Sheesh. Another dog! Isn’t Noche enuf. (hey, DON’T comment on the spelling, I think I do real good just to be able to type). Noche is okay though, cute little cocker mix, dark curly hair. Also a pound dog.

I’ve finally got Noche just where I want her. I had to sorta starve her out the first few weeks. She got smart tho. Wouldn’t go out and play with me. Stayed inside to eat. But that’s okay. She needed a little sustenance for the training I had in mind. (good word for a dog, huh??)

So back to my story. This new dog comes into the house. Yeah, she’s okay. Cute, real cute. Five months old, lab…purebred…yuck. They are sooo stuck up. She is also spoiled like crazy. Nuf said. This is gonna be FUN!! (licking my chops, thinking about what a cutey she is)

First order of business. Sniff her up. Yeah, she’ll do. Growl a little, let her know I mean business. Noche really likes her. That’s bad. No way they are going to gang up on me. No way. Okay, chase her around the yard a little. Hey, come on babe, I’m not gonna hurt you.

Gonna let this one eat. In fact, I’ll even share my food with her. Give her some confidence. She is sooo scared of me. Maybe I went a little heavy on the macho thing. Nawwww….can’t ever go too heavy on that. But, so okay, we’re sharing food, same bowl even. Susie is amazed! So are Ted and GT. They’re beginning to like me. Ha! Great, getting them just where I want them too!!

Susie has just come home from work. Marley loves her. Jumping up on her. Susie hates that. She keeps telling him to get down. Of course I am observing this from afar. She and Ted and GT are sitting around. Marley had calmed down and is lying on the kitchen floor. Susie, Ted and GT, are discussing the days events, especially how well I am getting along with Marley now.

I walk in. And I’m thinking, “Hey, that dog is beginning to act too comfortable around her. Gotta let her know she is to stand and bow when I walk into the room. Not to mention that she needs to learn the rules around here. Dogs don’t jump on people. Gonna let her know now.

I walk over to her. And for no apparent reason (that’s what they said anyway), I just sorta pounce on her and bite her ear. Hey!! Why’re Ted and GT and that stupid Marley getting so upset?? It was just a love bite and just an ear. I mean, I could have gotten her eye if I wanted to. Blood, yes. Unfortunate…but necessary to get my point across.

God, Susie is soooooo cool! She is much more concerned about the blood on the floor than Marley getting bit. Sheesh! Ted is talking about taking their dog to the vet! Gimme a break!! He says I bit clear through her ear. I didn’t of course. I don’t like physically marring my girls. I also hear him telling Susie that he heard about a dog that had a brain tumor and tore into his master. Susie, (remember, Miss Cool?) is just repeating over and over, “get a life, Ted”. She understands me so well.

Okay, calm has finally prevailed. They give this spoiled rotten Marley a BONE! For godsake! I want that bone. I take that bone. Right outside. And I bury it…deep. Another lesson in male dominance completed successfully.